Monday, March 12, 2012

Casual Love…What Does It Mean?

Hi Lynn! Thanks for being a part of my book tour. 
Since I’m promoting two books on this tour, I decided to give the tour a name. I had to figure out what was a common element in both novels, and I decided it was the casual nature of the relationships in each story.
So what does that mean? It means there is no commitment or expectation of a long term relationship by either party. 

This happens fairly often in real life, and based on a purely unscientific evaluation, I’ve come to the conclusion that more often than not, the person who ends up falling the hardest in these types of situations is the female. This is not to say that women can’t have casual relationships like men do, but I think that’s the exception and not the rule. 
Aeons ago, when I was in my twenties, several of my girlfriends went into these types of “relationships” thinking they could handle it and ended up falling for the guy. I can also tell you that I tried to talk a couple of my male friends out of pursuing such relationships, warning them that it may seem like a good idea at the moment, but I fully expected the woman he was sleeping with would end up becoming possessive at some point. 
One particular male friend ended up with a vandalized car after he tried to end the relationship with his casual lover. He had to call the police. We had a good laugh after things calmed down and I gave him my “I told you so” speech. 
One of the most interesting conversations on my blog was when I asked the question Could You Be Happy in an Open Relationship?  An open relationship is slightly different than a casual one because in open relationships, there is some expectation of a commitment and longevity, but both parties understand that if they plan to get involved with people outside of that relationship, it’s important to have full disclosure. 
I appreciated the candor of the commenters who stopped by and shared their experiences of being in open marriages/relationships. Others, like me, were adamant they couldn’t be happy in that type of arrangement. The bottom line is, being in a casual relationship (or an open one) takes a certain mindset, and if you can’t handle it, it’s better not to get involved or you risk getting your feelings hurt. Such was the case in both my novels. 
In Private Acts, Samirah Jamison found herself hoping that Miguel Delgado would ask her to stay in Ecuador after their liaison ended, even though their relationship started out as a purely sexual one. He fell for her, too, but didn’t feel right asking her to stay because he felt her fun-loving, adventurous spirit would never be happy in such a small country without much excitement. 
In the case of Eva Jacob and Derrick Hoffman, they had an understanding—don’t ask, don’t tell.  But when Derrick showed up on St. Simons Island or Eva arrived in Atlanta, their agreement was they would drop everything else to be with each other. Unfortunately, Eva realized her feelings for Derrick had grown and she could no longer tolerate the thought that other women shared him, too. Derrick wanted Eva, but it took awhile for him to realize that the intense feelings he felt toward her were feelings of love. 
So, what do you think about casual relationships?
Blurb for A Hard Man to Love 
Hating him is easy. Loving him is hard. 
Derrick Hoffman never quite got over not having a relationship with his biological father. The woman he was seeing is pregnant, and there’s no way he’s going to let her raise his child without him—even if it means coercing her into marriage. 
Eva Jacob made the mistake of falling in love with Derrick, a man she knows is incapable of love. After their breakup, she discovers she’s pregnant. When she agrees to a loveless marriage, she tries to shield her heart from further pain. But she soon discovers that the heart wants what the heart wants, and her heart wants Derrick’s love. 
In this scene, Roarke (Derrick’s brother from The Temptation of a Good Man) and Derrick are sitting at the bar at Derrick and Eva’s wedding reception. Roarke is questioning him about why he felt he had to marry Eva.
“Seems like a pretty drastic step to take just to have your kid. You’re telling me you had no other alternative? I admit I don’t know her well, but from what I’ve seen so far, Eva doesn’t seem like the kind who would have kept you from your child.”

Derrick tossed back the last of the champagne and set the flute on the bar with unwarranted force. He didn’t answer to anyone, and he wasn’t in the mood to explain himself to Roarke. He rose from the stool.

“It doesn’t matter now, does it?”

Roarke cast a speculative look up at him. “No, I guess not. Except . . . I was thinking—”

“Stop thinking.” He’d grown weary of this conversation real fast.

“If you hadn’t married her, you would still be free.”

If he hadn’t married her, so would she.

Free to do whatever she wanted, with whomever she wanted. He could have set them up in a house, but the thought of other men coming there, sleeping there, weaseling their way into his daughter’s life didn’t appeal. If his daughter was going to love any man in her life, it would be him, not some random man Eva picked to be her stepfather. He wanted to be there for every moment, from the time she was born. He couldn’t stomach the thought of her growing attached to another man or calling someone else “Daddy.”

“Freedom is a small price to pay to have my daughter with me at all times.”

Roarke fell silent again, but not for long. “What happened between your mother and our father happened years ago. I hope you’re not going to make Eva pay for what they did. She seems like a nice person.”

“The nice ones are the ones you have to watch.” He took note of Roarke’s frown. “Don’t worry, big brother,” he said, even though only three months separated them. “I’ve learned from the mistakes my parents made so I won’t repeat them.”

He glanced at the Panerai watch on his wrist, wondering about Eva’s present location. She’d excused herself fifteen minutes ago and hadn’t reappeared. As the thought crossed his mind, he saw her in the doorway.

She looked over at him, and he clenched his jaw to constrain the reaction he had to her. Every time he saw her, he had the same uncurbed reflexive response, like one of Pavlov’s dogs. His body hardened, his senses heightened, and he damn near salivated.
Buy A Hard Man to Love at: All Romance EbooksAmazonB&N 
Website and blog:
Delaney Diamond writes sweet and sensual romance novels with multicultural characters. You can enjoy free reads and the first chapter of all her novels on her website. 

Contest info:

There will be four winners. 

Two tour followers will win a $10 gift card and a book from my back list. 
Two tour followers will win a book from my back list. 

Per usual, readers should follow the tour and leave a comment at each stop. Each blog they comment on is an entry for a chance to win. To be eligible to win, entries must be received no later than 11:59 PM EST. Winners will be announced on the last blog stop and the contest page of my website by 8:00 AM EST on Monday, March 19th. They will have 72 hours to get in touch with me to claim their prizes before another winner(s) is chosen. 

Please check Delaney's website for other stops during The Casual Love Tour


Rhonda D said...

I have read and love A Hard Man to Love. I love the commitment-phobic Alpha males that finally realize they love their woman, only when it's almost to late. There is no way I could do a casual relationship. My heart is worn on my sleeve. I'm just glad I'm married so I don't have to worry about it. :)

Delaney Diamond said...

Hi Rhonda! Alpha males in general are my weakness, and like you, I couldn't handle a casual relationship. I'm an emotional person, and I don't like to share. ;0)

W. Lynn Chantale said...

Hi Delaney great to have you here. Help yourself to the buffet and open bar. As always Chef and Tyrell are at your beck and call, neither of them have a problem with casual relationships...or so I've been told. :-)

I love those Alphas males who stand to lose everything if they don't confess the intentions of their heart. I've got one of those myself running around on my hard drive.

Rhonda thanks for dropping by, I think if I wasn't married I'd have a few casual of those casual relationships. I've learned to keep a wide cuff bracelet over my heart. :-)

Delaney Diamond said...

It's good to be here, Lynn. You're a gracious hostess. Food's good, by the way.

April said...

Lynn, thank you so much for hosting the lovely Delaney Diamond today!

Delaney Diamond said...

Hi April (*waves*)! Thanks for stopping in.

Anonymous said...

Hi Delaney,
I am glad to drop by, I have to say that I have downloaded my copy and I can not wait to read it.


Anonymous said...

I love your work. You do the alpha men extremely well; Bravo!

Kay Young

Delaney Diamond said...

Thank you, ladies! Louise, I hope you enjoy it.

Kay, I appreciate it so much! I've got more on the way.

Ollie said...

Hi Delaney!!!!!!

I am hearing good thing s about A Hard Man to Love. I have had one of those before.....Lol. Can't wait to read the book to see if there are any comparisions.......

Thank you,

Ollie Moss

Delaney Diamond said...

Glad to hear the good news, Ollie! I hope you enjoy it. I think we've all run across a "hard man to love" in our lives, haven't we? Lol.