Whose View Is It Anyway?

Fact: If you’re a writer, you hear voices in your head. 

For the rest of the world, this condition is most often met with bleak concern, and then consequently treated with a regiment of anti-psychotic pharmaceuticals. But for a writer, hearing voices is a good thing! This means the creative juices are flowing, plot lines are developing and characters are taking shape.

Fact: Before family intervention becomes a necessity (or said writer’s head explodes), the best course of action is to write those voices down.

I know several authors who start projects this way. Rather than plotting, outlining, or mapping out characterization, they sit down at the computer and write nothing but dialogue – a stream of sentences punctuated by simple quotation marks.

If this is the way you choose to begin your writing process, most excellent. But keep in mind that at some point or another, a tough decision needs to be made. From which character’s Point of View (POV) will the scene most benefit? Or, if two POVs are necessary, at what point during the scene do you make the switch?

Enter the POV SNAFU. 

In most romance novels, authors choose to write predominately from two perspectives, the Hero and Heroine. After all, who better to speak of their developing emotional connection than the two main characters? Also more often than not, the prose is written from Third Person POV, meaning third-person pronouns such as he, she, and they are used to relate story events.

Note:  for more information on choosing which Point Of View is right for your story go here  http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/understanding-point-of-view-in-literature.html

However, whatever viewpoint you choose to relate your story, one thing above all is imperative: THE AUTHOR MUST REMAIN IN ONE HEAD AT A TIME

In other words, just because you’ve got umpteen characters clamoring for attention inside the ol’ grey matter, doesn’t mean the reader needs to receive their viewpoints all at once. On the contrary. Giving the viewpoint of each character present in a scene only confuses the reader, and creates a nasty little technical issue called “The Head Pop”.

I do NOT mean to imply that your entire manuscript should be written from one POV. That issue is for the author alone to decide. Nor am I saying a POV shift mid-scene is a deal breaker. In fact, I’ve read stories where POV shifts have taken place mid-conversation, and was blown away by the author’s seamless transition ( this takes a keen eye and incredible talent, and I’ve seen it done well only a handful of times). What I AM saying is if you are crafting a scene that contains more than one character, the author must be careful to interpret the scene from only one perspective, until the scene ends or a new POV is introduced.  

Now here’s the part where you roll up your sleeves, because we’re about to get down to the nitty-gritty.

Although each scene in your manuscript is best served by writing from only one POV at a time, that doesn’t mean you should disregard all the other POVs in the room. No, no, no. What it does mean is that all internal dialogue, sensory input, and scenery interpretation needs to come from ONE character -- while at the same time that ONE character **SHOWS** the reader the reactions of the other characters to the same information.

Think about it this way. On the off chance your significant other storms into the house wearing a scowl–perhaps by the way he slammed the door, the set of his jaw or the sudden tension in the room– something in his demeanor tells you an “incident” has occurred. Although you may have a sneaking suspicion he just located the $400 receipt for the brand new Prada boots you hid in the back of the closet, you’re not volunteering that information until you know for sure, right? Right? Hopefully his bad mood has nothing to do with you. Perhaps he got a flat tire or is angry with his boss. But until you know for sure, you’re keeping your big trap shut!

Same thing with POV. While you, as the author, must have a good grasp of what’s going on inside each of your character’s heads, and you must slowly leak this information out to the reader – your characters will not know what the other people in the room are thinking. Unless, of course, you’re crafting a paranormal story, and some of your characters have psychic ability. And even then the author must be VERY CLEAR about how they are receiving information. 

When considered thusly, POV shifts seem fairly straightforward, and spotting them can be easy. 

That being said, it’s now time to play Spot the POV SNAFU!  *Yay! Whistles and cheers from the audience.*

For 10 points, here’s your first scene. Can you spot the shift? (Keep in mind, everything should be written from ONE perspective.)

Meredith stared across the dimly lit bar. The man leaning against the far wall was tall with dark, thick hair that made her fingers itch with anticipation. Would those waves be as soft as they appeared? She longed to find out.

When she met his gaze across the distance, she placed a trembling hand on her chest, and Derek wondered if her heart raced just as fast under the cream cashmere sweater she wore.

If you guessed: and Derek wondered if her heart raced just as fast under the cream cashmere sweater she wore, you are correct! We first started in Meredith’s head, but then ended in Derek’s. The POV shift sticks out and is fairly easy to spot.  

For 20 points, here’s your second scene. Things are getting a little trickier.

Meredith set her glass on the bar and smiled at the tall, dark stranger on the opposite end of the room. A thrill washed through her stomach when he pushed up from the wall and started toward her. After staring at her all night, he was finally coming over to introduce himself.

Do you see the POV SNAFU? If you guessed, he was finally coming over to introduce himself, you are correct!

For those who didn’t see it, I hate to break it to ya, but unless Meredith is psychic, there’s no way she could know why he’s walking toward her. Maybe she’s standing next to the men’s room. Maybe she’s near the exit and her tall, dark stranger is leaving.

You CAN however change the last line to read, “After staring at her all night, she could only hope he was finally coming over to introduce himself.” This makes the information from Meredith’s perspective, while at the same time maintaining the same level of tension.

And our double or nothing round! For 40 points, can you spot the TWO POV SNAFUS?

He grinned and offered his hand, and she paused before grasping it with hers. She never picked up strange men, but he was just too delicious to pass up. 

“I couldn’t help but notice you’re alone this evening.” He stared into her beautiful blue eyes and she blushed in response. “Can I buy you a drink?”   

If you guessed, her beautiful blue eyes, and she blushed in response, you’re CORRECT! 

If not, then consider this. Who thinks her eyes are beautiful? Does he? And if so, how’d she get that from one handshake? Or maybe she thinks her eyes are beautiful? Not likely (when’s the last time you described your own eyes to someone). Secondly, unless she’s looking in a mirror, there’s no way she could know she’s blushing. Her cheeks could heat, or a wave of desire could raise her temperature a degree, but she wouldn’t know her cheeks had changed color. 

When crafting a scene, be sure to write all internal thoughts from one perspective, while at the same time showing a physical response from everyone else in the room. 

One last issue bears mentioning with POV shifts and that is Author Intrusion. As the author, you need to be careful not to get “stuck” telling the story. Oftentimes, I’ve been reading along, and come across a spot in a manuscript where I suddenly hear the author’s voice. 

Here’s the same example from above, written from the author’s POV.

Meredith stares across the dimly lit bar, unaware of the several men admiring her. She only has eyes for the tall man leaning against the far wall, and how his thick hair makes her fingers itch in anticipation. She wonders if those waves would be as soft as they appear, and longs to find out.

When they look at each other across the distance, she places a trembling hand on her chest, while Derek wonders if her heart is racing just as fast under her cream cashmere sweater.

In this above example, we start out a little screwy right from the beginning. Because how can Meredith know several men are admiring her if she is unaware of them? 

It bears repeating:  all internal dialogue, sensory input, and scenery interpretation needs to come from ONE character -- while at the same time that ONE character **SHOWS** the reader the reactions of the other characters to the same information.

We’re taking a short break from our weekly posts, but stay tuned for the October 22^nd post on Passive vs. Active Voice! 

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AJ Nuest lives in northwest Indiana with her loving husband and two beautiful children. She is the Senior Editor for Still Moments Publishing, and the author of two contemporary romance novels.

Visit her on the web at:

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Email:  ajnuest@yahoo.com

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